I truly don’t
believe it is because Mother’s Day is coming up in a couple days (but maybe my
subconscious just knows). However, I
have been thinking a lot about being a Mom this week and it’s a good time to
write about it. Not to mention that I
have not posted anything on our blog since October. We call it “survival mode.”
Anyway…
For some
reason I distinctly remember a Sunday after church about 14 years ago when a
woman was trying to help pack up the church belongings after the service (we rented a
space on Sunday mornings) and at the same time she was trying to wrangle her
kids. I don’t remember what had happened
but I do remember her being filled with frustration and finally belting out the words, “Because I’M
THE MOM!” I smirked then and I laugh
now, just thinking about the whole statement and everything behind it…the joy,
the frustration, the title, the ‘entitlement,’ the responsibility, the meaning,
the requirements, the power, the lack of power and everything in between.
I remember
always wanting to be a mom. It was just
always in the plan. Little did I know that it would be such a long and difficult journey for me to become one.
Although I was never
a really girly girl, I did have some baby dolls to care for when I was
little. I remember in elementary school
wanting to have twin boys who I would name Matthew and Michael. And I did save up all my pennies to buy my own
Cabbage Patch Kid from ‘Walmart lay-away’ when I was eleven. I named him Matthew. Matthew never got a ‘twin’ though.
Around Jr
high age I planned to have three boys and they would be named Noah, Jonah and
Micah …Uffda. I’m glad that never
happened. However, you will note that I’ve
always wanted boys! So far, so good! ~~but
truth be told, I wouldn’t mind adding a little girl to the mix.
This past
weekend I spent a couple days with my parents.
Just thinking about the shift in dynamics from my family of origin to starting
my OWN family has been very interesting.
I mean, for the last 36 years, I have been the child and still am…but now I’M THE
MOM! And for some reason this really
hasn’t hit home until lately. It’s
almost as if, for me, the first ‘infant’ years “don’t count.” It’s like I had to wait until there is
more than one and I'm in the middle of the ‘terrible twos or terrifying
threes’ before it really counts! Maybe
it’s when motherhood becomes ‘parenting’ that it really starts to settle
in. The first year or so, it’s all about
survival and those stinking cute cuddles from the squishy babykins. Now…it just gets real.
As I look at
my three year old son's world, I remember how I looked at my parents when I was
a child…they were so “old” and “mean” and “in charge”…they controlled
everything! [of course I remember the
times I got in trouble more than the times we had fun together] Does my three year old look at me that way? What will he think when he grows up?
I know I struggle with parenting...what is positive parenting? How do I be loving AND firm? I want my boys to know right from wrong. I want them to respect others. I want them to have strong character. How do I teach this in a loving way? Like right there IN the moment...how do I do that? That moment that he's pulling on his baby brother for the fourth time while I'm trying to nurse. I don't want the baby to be distracted, so I'm stuck! Tryg is distracting Kale and when I try to get Tryg to stop, I am distracting Kale. It's a no-win situation.
With pre-schoolers there are so many moments like this. However, there are also the loving moments that I cherish. Ah, motherhood....
I’m the Mom….a
crazy yet absolutely amazingly enjoyable phrase! So much responsibility, frustration and
exhaustion…but SO MUCH JOY, LAUGHTER and LOVE!
